I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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