Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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