I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
