I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
