I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do vagina's smell?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
