Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
