Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this boner is exhausting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
