Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just pynch a tree in the face
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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