i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
