i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
