my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
