never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
