Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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