God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
