She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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