Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
