Sry I called you an 8
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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