My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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