you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
