i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
