You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
