Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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