You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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