are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
