Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
