It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
