I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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