My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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