Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
