She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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