Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
