I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Two words: blizzard sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
