Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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