PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
