my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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