Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
