Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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