i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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