do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
