My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
