and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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