I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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