So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
