so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
