THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
