did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
