You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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