What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
