I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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