I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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