Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
